I have been talking a lot about self care recently. I had suffered for a while with hip pain and lower back problems ever since the birth of my now 12 and 9 year old boys, it’s especially painful if I have supported a long birth or not been keeping up with my daily yoga promise from last year, which is often if I am completely honest! I have historically ignored my own discomfort or pain and generally tend to just suffer through until whatever ails me goes away. Why do I do this and how many of us are guilty of this?! I had a moment of clarity when I was speaking to my own mother on the phone a while ago. At some point in the conversation she spoke of how she really would have liked some postnatal support. I was shocked as I had modeled my own postnatal experience on how I remember my Mum being growing up! I felt that my mother ‘just got on’ with it and coped so well and that I should too. I remember flat out refusing help from my mother in law who was desperate to look after me. Wow! I thought, how far back does this go? I then at our next family gathering spoke to my Nan about birth and the postnatal period. My cousin was pregnant with twins and my Nan was passionately talking about how hard it is to have a baby and how ‘you really need support, you really need to be looked after’ This is a woman again who I saw as being a ‘just get on with it’ type of lady, I was surprised to hear this coming out of her mouth!
I tell new mothers to take care of themselves and allow others to take care of them. I treat women with Reiki, loving massages and nurturing postnatal food packages
(find out more at http://thebirthgem.com/doula-services-sussex) but when it comes to myself I ‘don’t want to make a fuss’ despite telling all women around me that ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’. This year based on the conversation with my mother and many other inspiring conversations from women around me I decided enough is enough, time to practice what I preach and accept the loving I should have accepted 12 years ago. Better late than never I guess! I have made use of the wonderful community of women around me and have begun to feel comfortable with being touched and nurtured. I accepted the offer of acupuncture, I jumped at the chance for a local midwife to practice her reflexology on me, I have started a red tent to nurture my soul and connect with women around me on a deeper level and asked for closing the bones sacred massage swaps. The result of this letting go is that I feel better than I have done in years, I truly believe having a self-care plan will make me a better doula. I can rave about the benefits of self care and mothering the mother with a new understanding of what it really feels like to surrender in this way. I also, and this is a big one for me have now first hand seen the joy that nurturing someone and making them feel good brings to the caregiver. I love loving, I love mothering women and I now witness that love from both angles! So many years on and I can honestly from the depths of my heart say not just to others but to myself a healthy baby is not all that matters. Mothers matter, we matter.
(find out more at http://thebirthgem.com/doula-services-sussex) but when it comes to myself I ‘don’t want to make a fuss’ despite telling all women around me that ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’. This year based on the conversation with my mother and many other inspiring conversations from women around me I decided enough is enough, time to practice what I preach and accept the loving I should have accepted 12 years ago. Better late than never I guess! I have made use of the wonderful community of women around me and have begun to feel comfortable with being touched and nurtured. I accepted the offer of acupuncture, I jumped at the chance for a local midwife to practice her reflexology on me, I have started a red tent to nurture my soul and connect with women around me on a deeper level and asked for closing the bones sacred massage swaps. The result of this letting go is that I feel better than I have done in years, I truly believe having a self-care plan will make me a better doula. I can rave about the benefits of self care and mothering the mother with a new understanding of what it really feels like to surrender in this way. I also, and this is a big one for me have now first hand seen the joy that nurturing someone and making them feel good brings to the caregiver. I love loving, I love mothering women and I now witness that love from both angles! So many years on and I can honestly from the depths of my heart say not just to others but to myself a healthy baby is not all that matters. Mothers matter, we matter.
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